I am trying to be as positive a human being as I can and I have been doing a pretty good job of it. But today is one of those days when I just need to vent. Need to get it all out of my system!!
my and my darling fiance (rolls eyes) haven't spoke in 4 days. On Saturday we were on our way to Niagara Falls and on the highway a car honked at him probably because he has a tendency to go into other people's lanes. Fine, whatever, I didn't say anything. And then he put the SUV on auto drive which I HATE!!! There is too much room for error when you are being lazy about driving. So I said that this was the last time I wanted to go to Niagara Falls for awhile. Of course he asked why (and that's the point of baiting him with that comment) I told him he makes me nervous when he drives on the highway. well as suspected he got all mad and started swearing and getting loud, and exited and saying that I ruin everything. So whatever I went home. normally I try to work it out but if he takes things like that then fuck him. I am sure if it was me he wouldn't hesitate one second to criticise my driving. After all, men are better drivers than women right?
ok so we haven't talked since then. He has to return a movie i lent him so he may pass by today with it.. we shall see. I love him dearly but I am getting sick of his tyraids. is he so fragile that i can't say anything to him?
now i live at home. with my parents, brother, 2 dogs, 2 birds and 1 cat. And I am so different from everyone in my house and that's causing rifts. For example, I am a neat freak, they aren't. I don't smoke, they do (except the pets, lol)
the upstairs bathroom, my bathroom needs to have the tub fixed. So I have been having bath time downstairs. The bathroom is so messy. It drives me insane.
Lately my mom has been having real attitude with me. just snappy. I understand that she is going through cancer and is maybe not having the best time right now. However, I do notice she is pretty nice to everyone else. That's ok, I know she never really loved me. Her first born died you see and I was born after. I don't think she ever really got over that. And as a result probably never really wanted to get close to me. Plus we have butted heads a lot over the years. And I know some people think your mother has to love you but I don't believe that either. Mothers and children are individuals. Not everyone can like everyone. but can she at least be civil towards me when I am around???
As i was having a bath i was imagining buying an SUV and packing it with some essentials and my dog. And just living in my car. I can get a gym membership and that's where I can bathe. When I go to work I will get someone to dog sit. I can communicate with my cell phone. And rent a PO Box for mail.
It's fun to think about!!!
Now off to work soon, another place I really don't wanna be today.
Hera's hoping for a better tomorrow!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
the Blackout Memorial
Where were you August 14 2003?
If you lived in southwest Ontario (like me) or some 8 easterly states than you will know exactly where you were and what happened..
that massive BLACKOUT..
It was a little after 4pm and I was on the phone with a guy i was seeing at the time.
I remember as I was talking to him the lights went out. At this time I didn't really think anything of it because our house had some electrical problems. I went down to the fuse box and flipped the switch but nothing happened.
I told him I'd call him back and went out to ask my neighbours. Other people were coming out of their houses and looking up and down the streets. I looked down and saw the traffic lights were also out. It was a hot day so I got back inside. But it didn't really matter because whatever cool air the A/C had produced, was slowly turning to into hot mugginess.
I called the guy back, who lived in Brampton (about an hour away from me) and he told me all his power was out as well. I started to think " what a coincidence" but knew something more was going on. I let him go and called my best friend in Toronto, again about an hour away from me. Her power was out as well.
Now I knew something weird was going on.
It was still light out so the full scope of the blackout never hit me. We looked for some batteries and got an old radio going. I don't remember before that when I listened to the radio for the news. The news was confirming major Canadian and U.S cities were without power.
The first thing that crossed my mind was this was a terrorist attack. After all, it was only a few years after the World Trade Centre disaster. I figured by mucking up our power grids, they were leaving us without defences, i.e alarm systems (lol)
Then we started to worry about the little things, like the food in our fridge turning to rot and the searing heat.
I am pretty sure I took three Cold baths that day to try and cool off.
As night approached it was evident that the power wasn't coming back on. We (as in my family and I) gathered up any candles, matches, flashlights that we had and put them on the kicthen table. We also started to throw out the food we knew wouldn't be saved, like milk and meat.
As darkness engulfed...and I mean engulfed our little street, there were a variety of moods in the air. from us and our neihgbours. on the one hand there was FEAR and alot of questions.
when will the power come back on?
why did the power go out?
what if people start looting?
what if this is the end of the world?
But there was also a great sense of fun & excitement. I remember my mother and I were walking over to the coffee shop, many people were gathered there surrounded by candlelight.
The street was covered in a thick inky blackness. We went to meet up with my dad and had our little flashlights out. We hadn't even noticed that we had passed him on the other side of the street until a car drove passed and illuminated his figure. The car's headlights, the only light..except for the odd little balls of orange flashlight light.
But there were hordes of people out there having fun and laughing and running in the streets.
People were oddly happy. Maybe because we got off the couches, off the computers and out into the night air and saw the stars..millions of them..something you never see in the city..and something I hadn't seen since I was 12 and camping in the Rocky mountains(Alberta)!!
It was surreal.
The next day was a little disheartening when we realized the power was still off..
It came on pretty quickly but I believe this was a changing point.
We, as a society at large, were starting to take environmental concerns as serious business. After all, part of the cause of the balckout was the abuse of wasting electricty.
I personally leraned my lessons from that day and I believe most people have..
If you lived in southwest Ontario (like me) or some 8 easterly states than you will know exactly where you were and what happened..
that massive BLACKOUT..
It was a little after 4pm and I was on the phone with a guy i was seeing at the time.
I remember as I was talking to him the lights went out. At this time I didn't really think anything of it because our house had some electrical problems. I went down to the fuse box and flipped the switch but nothing happened.
I told him I'd call him back and went out to ask my neighbours. Other people were coming out of their houses and looking up and down the streets. I looked down and saw the traffic lights were also out. It was a hot day so I got back inside. But it didn't really matter because whatever cool air the A/C had produced, was slowly turning to into hot mugginess.
I called the guy back, who lived in Brampton (about an hour away from me) and he told me all his power was out as well. I started to think " what a coincidence" but knew something more was going on. I let him go and called my best friend in Toronto, again about an hour away from me. Her power was out as well.
Now I knew something weird was going on.
It was still light out so the full scope of the blackout never hit me. We looked for some batteries and got an old radio going. I don't remember before that when I listened to the radio for the news. The news was confirming major Canadian and U.S cities were without power.
The first thing that crossed my mind was this was a terrorist attack. After all, it was only a few years after the World Trade Centre disaster. I figured by mucking up our power grids, they were leaving us without defences, i.e alarm systems (lol)
Then we started to worry about the little things, like the food in our fridge turning to rot and the searing heat.
I am pretty sure I took three Cold baths that day to try and cool off.
As night approached it was evident that the power wasn't coming back on. We (as in my family and I) gathered up any candles, matches, flashlights that we had and put them on the kicthen table. We also started to throw out the food we knew wouldn't be saved, like milk and meat.
As darkness engulfed...and I mean engulfed our little street, there were a variety of moods in the air. from us and our neihgbours. on the one hand there was FEAR and alot of questions.
when will the power come back on?
why did the power go out?
what if people start looting?
what if this is the end of the world?
But there was also a great sense of fun & excitement. I remember my mother and I were walking over to the coffee shop, many people were gathered there surrounded by candlelight.
The street was covered in a thick inky blackness. We went to meet up with my dad and had our little flashlights out. We hadn't even noticed that we had passed him on the other side of the street until a car drove passed and illuminated his figure. The car's headlights, the only light..except for the odd little balls of orange flashlight light.
But there were hordes of people out there having fun and laughing and running in the streets.
People were oddly happy. Maybe because we got off the couches, off the computers and out into the night air and saw the stars..millions of them..something you never see in the city..and something I hadn't seen since I was 12 and camping in the Rocky mountains(Alberta)!!
It was surreal.
The next day was a little disheartening when we realized the power was still off..
It came on pretty quickly but I believe this was a changing point.
We, as a society at large, were starting to take environmental concerns as serious business. After all, part of the cause of the balckout was the abuse of wasting electricty.
I personally leraned my lessons from that day and I believe most people have..
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Ghost Book Update
I am still looking for people who want to submit ghost stories for the book I am writing!
If you had an experience in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. Let me know about it and I can interview you.
I have interviewed some paranormal investigators and a psychic.
I am continuing research on allegedly haunted homes.
And I hope to attend an investigation really soon.
If you had an experience in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. Let me know about it and I can interview you.
I have interviewed some paranormal investigators and a psychic.
I am continuing research on allegedly haunted homes.
And I hope to attend an investigation really soon.
Update: mom's cancer battle.
The good news:
after some new chemo that is at a higher dose then the last sessions, the cells are getting smaller. And hopefully will be small enough for her upcoming double masectomy.
The bad news, she has been getting lots of infections which is hard for her body to fight off because her white blood cells are down and out.
She is still going on about life as usual, which is good as well. she beat cancer before, I am confident she will beat it again
after some new chemo that is at a higher dose then the last sessions, the cells are getting smaller. And hopefully will be small enough for her upcoming double masectomy.
The bad news, she has been getting lots of infections which is hard for her body to fight off because her white blood cells are down and out.
She is still going on about life as usual, which is good as well. she beat cancer before, I am confident she will beat it again
(review) Cabana Night Club Toronto w/pix
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For my friend Mandy's bday, we went to Cabana night club on Richmond St. in Toronto.
The evening started with everyone meeting at the Admiral Inn on Dundurn St in Hamilton. There were tonnes of drinks, and sweets in the suite for us. including my FAVOURITE chocolate of all time...Godiva Raspberry stars!!! and my new drink of choice is any liquor made from Lychee fruit. So I had Bacardi Breezers Blackberry and Lychee,,,yummers.
So the 11 of us piled into the Excursion limo. and everyone was buzzing and feeling good, sing along to top 40 hits in the limo. got to the club, line bypass..because my friends reserved a private cabana upstairs with bottle service.
In the Cabana: Mandy's hubby paid for EVERYTHING!!! so bottle service was about $500CAN. he got 3 bottles, Grey Goose (vodka), JD & Havana Club (rum).. sad to say hardly no one touched those drinks!!! But he was at the bar buying all 11 of us round after round...I didn't drink that much because that is not really me anymore.
When you get a cabana, it is on the 2nd floor of the club, you get your own waitress. You also get cookies and unblimited juice and pop for your bottles.
No one can come up in the VIP area unless you're wearing wristbands, I liked that idea. it was more private.
The 1st level had the dance floor which is small but really nicely done up. since there is a photo I won't need to describe it. lol.
There is also a rooftop bar connected to Cabana called "moon" which I regretably didn't check out.
There is a lot of security at Cabana. SO that should make you feel safe if not smothered. And don't come in with gum, it gets confiscated at the door.
The crowd is a little young but no one seemed to have attitude. Short skirts rule this club for sure.
Music was good, and because it was right after Michael Jackson's death (R.I.P.), his songs were played.
Great club, I would go there again. But if you want to be up in the VIP bring lots o' cash. Mandy's hubby easily spent 2g's that nite!!!
Monday, June 15, 2009
I AM DEVESTATED
My fiance of 3.5 yrs used to gamble alot at the casino. Almost a year and a half ago he voluntarily banned himself.
The other day I found some of his bank statements and saw that he withdrew large amounts of money, yet he doesn't have anything new to show for it. And kowing him very well I know he doesn't just take out 100's of dollars. It's out of character.
I called him up and asked him and he said he doesn't know why he took the money out. I find that hard to believe.. he was kind of ticked at me for lookign through his stuff, (even though he has told me I could because he has nothing too hide). He let me go because he was mad at me for accusing him of gambling.
Gambling seems to make sense however. Why else would he withdrawl large sums of money? UNLESS he lent it to his brother. That ticks me off as well. His brother also has a gambling problem but ublike my man, he continues to go to casino's. My bf already lent him $1500...and I told him he cannot lend him anymore. We are trying to save money for our wedding etc.
He is at work right now and I haven't heard from him. I told him to call me when he is ready to talk about this like an adult. I don't kow whats going to happen but I feel empty and hollowed out. I feel like it is the end for us. Because if he is gambling again he kows that is a deal breaker for me and I will have to end it. I am so unbelievably upset about this and I am at a loss about what to do
The other day I found some of his bank statements and saw that he withdrew large amounts of money, yet he doesn't have anything new to show for it. And kowing him very well I know he doesn't just take out 100's of dollars. It's out of character.
I called him up and asked him and he said he doesn't know why he took the money out. I find that hard to believe.. he was kind of ticked at me for lookign through his stuff, (even though he has told me I could because he has nothing too hide). He let me go because he was mad at me for accusing him of gambling.
Gambling seems to make sense however. Why else would he withdrawl large sums of money? UNLESS he lent it to his brother. That ticks me off as well. His brother also has a gambling problem but ublike my man, he continues to go to casino's. My bf already lent him $1500...and I told him he cannot lend him anymore. We are trying to save money for our wedding etc.
He is at work right now and I haven't heard from him. I told him to call me when he is ready to talk about this like an adult. I don't kow whats going to happen but I feel empty and hollowed out. I feel like it is the end for us. Because if he is gambling again he kows that is a deal breaker for me and I will have to end it. I am so unbelievably upset about this and I am at a loss about what to do
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Recession woes
I work for a big company, the office I work in has 300+ employees..
Even though they made profits last yr of about 700Mil, this year they are suffering.
Some people here have left and/or been laid off.
I am lucky so far but my hours have been dramatically cut back. For example, today I was supposed to get 5 hours and I have only been here for one hour and I am getting sent home!!
However, I still rather have a job with crap hours than no job at all.
I do believe the economic situation will begin to correct itself. But I still feel somewhat worried. no job is really safe anymore. Thats why its more important now more than ever to save, budget, have varied sources of income.
When we get out of this, we will hopefully take new skills and beliefs with us...
Even though they made profits last yr of about 700Mil, this year they are suffering.
Some people here have left and/or been laid off.
I am lucky so far but my hours have been dramatically cut back. For example, today I was supposed to get 5 hours and I have only been here for one hour and I am getting sent home!!
However, I still rather have a job with crap hours than no job at all.
I do believe the economic situation will begin to correct itself. But I still feel somewhat worried. no job is really safe anymore. Thats why its more important now more than ever to save, budget, have varied sources of income.
When we get out of this, we will hopefully take new skills and beliefs with us...
Thursday, April 30, 2009
SWINE FLU & why its spreading so fast!
I truly believe that if you think you are going to get sick, then you will get sick.
Remember SARS? I live near Toronto, what was the hub of the disease.
I never wore a mask, or stayed away from Asians, or whatever else was thought to prevent catching the disease.
Panic breeds and creates the conditions we are fearful about!!
I think when a collective of people get together and worry, the energy of their worries accelerates the conditions they want to avoid in the first place.
I know this sounds new-agey or you may say " nobody wants to get sick"
I want to share some things I have noticed.
Notice how there hasn't been any news of plane crashes in awhile? That's because we are not thinking about it. We are not focusing on plane crashes. The media has something else to report on: swine flu. Does that mean the skies are safer? What if I told you that on April 17th, there were two plane crashes. 1 in Indonesia killing 11 and in Venezuela that same day also killing 11 people. Or that a few days ago on the 25th there was a helicopter crash in France, killing all 5 on board.
When that plane landed in the Hudson river, there seemed to be an influx of stories in the media about plane crashes. In fact planes were crashing more in February, maybe because as a collective society we worried about it, we sent those energies out and in turn caused more plane crashes.
In January there were 3 plane crashes globally (and only 16 fatalities).
On January 15th the plane landed in the Hudson no fatalities (thankfully)
after that February has had the highest amount of plane crashes and fatalities so far:
6 crashes between the 7th-25th a 2 1/2 wk period & a combined fatality amount of 102 people.
March: 4 crashes about one per week, 44 fatalities
April: 5 crashes about one per week 58 fatalities
We're tapering off, possibly due to the fact that we are no longer focused on plane crashes, and turned our creative and potentially destructive collective energies to swine flu fears.
So don't be surprised that as we worry more about it, more people will get sick and die from it!!
Remember SARS? I live near Toronto, what was the hub of the disease.
I never wore a mask, or stayed away from Asians, or whatever else was thought to prevent catching the disease.
Panic breeds and creates the conditions we are fearful about!!
I think when a collective of people get together and worry, the energy of their worries accelerates the conditions they want to avoid in the first place.
I know this sounds new-agey or you may say " nobody wants to get sick"
I want to share some things I have noticed.
Notice how there hasn't been any news of plane crashes in awhile? That's because we are not thinking about it. We are not focusing on plane crashes. The media has something else to report on: swine flu. Does that mean the skies are safer? What if I told you that on April 17th, there were two plane crashes. 1 in Indonesia killing 11 and in Venezuela that same day also killing 11 people. Or that a few days ago on the 25th there was a helicopter crash in France, killing all 5 on board.
When that plane landed in the Hudson river, there seemed to be an influx of stories in the media about plane crashes. In fact planes were crashing more in February, maybe because as a collective society we worried about it, we sent those energies out and in turn caused more plane crashes.
In January there were 3 plane crashes globally (and only 16 fatalities).
On January 15th the plane landed in the Hudson no fatalities (thankfully)
after that February has had the highest amount of plane crashes and fatalities so far:
6 crashes between the 7th-25th a 2 1/2 wk period & a combined fatality amount of 102 people.
March: 4 crashes about one per week, 44 fatalities
April: 5 crashes about one per week 58 fatalities
We're tapering off, possibly due to the fact that we are no longer focused on plane crashes, and turned our creative and potentially destructive collective energies to swine flu fears.
So don't be surprised that as we worry more about it, more people will get sick and die from it!!
the story of the saved gooseling, chick
HERE'S THE STORY:
Jim and I went for a walk by pier 8, down the street from my house. We saw a Canadian goose with her little chick swimming..
We walked around and on the way back, we saw the little goose struggling to get up the hill to get to his mom. we stuck around in case it needed help. It got up but then we heard another baby goose crying. It was dark out and lucky Jim had a mini flashlight on his key chain
There are these concrete holes and there was a baby goose down in one.
I reached in the 2 ft hole and took him out..adorable
I put him near his mom but she rejected him and I figured it was because I touched him.
I felt bad.
I was at home worried that the chicks may fall in again so I figured have to go back to fill the holes. Especially since the forecast was calling for rain and if they fell in they would die from drowning.
I had this foam mattress topper that has been in my closet for years so I decided to cut it up and take it down there and stuff the holes.
so that's what I did at 1am..lol
I stuffed them with soft material so the babies wouldn't fall in.
At first I was thinking of filling the hole w/ rocks but thought people may think I was burying a body if I went down there with a shovel...ha ha
more good news...
when I got there the mother was laying down with both babies snuggled beside her...she accepted the one I touched..
the point of this story is we can all help animals, even in weird ways at weird times of night..
**the end**
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Haunted Manotick
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MANOTICK Sun. April 19th, 2009.
Manotick is a small town outside of Ottawa. We visited Watson's Mill. The picture above I took and it looks to me like a figure of a woman. It may not be. It could be anything, but that's what it resembles.
The miller's wife, Ann Crosby died there when she was in her early 20's. There are 2 theories as to how she died. One is her skirt got caught in some of the milling equipment and pulled her down and she got crushed.
The other theory is something fell on her and crushed her.
Maybe she is the one in the picture.?!
The mill has a couple floors and is a working museum. They still make flour. The building has stone walls and wood floors. I love the way it looks in there. The attic is dark. I didn't get any odd feeling s or anything but as I was going up the stairs, one of the camera's I was holding started flashing.
The basement was by far the coolest and freakiest area of the building. There is a split level and if you go down more you can see turbines and the water coming in. Another lady in the group took a picture down there and it looks like she captured a little boy figure hiding under the stairs. And it would make sense if what the tour guide told us was true: that a boy spirit hides down there and plays hide and seek with people. Remember kids worked in these places and died there as well.
Anyways great place. I'd recommend it!!
www.watsonsmill.com
Haunted Ottawa trip
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I went to Ottawa Ontario for the 1st time on Friday April 17-Sunday April 19th
I went with the group Haunted Hamilton www.hauntedhamilton.com
We left at 9am, made a couple of stops and arrived in Ottawa around 3pm. The jail is a large stone structure. It's imposing and creepy looking.
We stayed at the Carleton County Gaol, a jail built in 1860's and remained a jail until it became a hostel in 1972. We slept in cells with iron bar doors. no windows in the cells. Just brick celiings and walls. We had a tour of the building with stories of life in prison at those times.
If women went to jail their children would have to join them in the jail and help serve out the mother's sentence. And of course in those days children weren't seen as precious darlings..lol..they were small people that could work. There was no glass on the windows at the time so snow, rain etc would blow in through the windows and into the prisoner's cells as they slept etc. And you know Canadian winters, they are cold!!! No wonder many prisoners got gangrene and had to have amputations done. And the hot humid summers weren't much better!! the windows also let in flies and mosquitos carrying various diseases.
It's no wonder that many people DIED within the prison's walls. Either through sickness or suicide. and of course the jail has the gallows still intact. There were 3 official hangings recorded at the jail, but possibly many "unofficial" hangings as well.
The jail is right across from a big mall called the Rideau Centre. I went to Sephora and got some makeup on sale...sweet!!!
MY EXPERINCE:
The 1st night I couldn't sleep because of the dark.. There were 5 people in the cell. We had the light on and around 3am it went out> whether by itself or by someone else in the room I am not sure! All I know is if I was scared before, I was terrified now. There was alot of noise out in the hallway. I could hear a man's voice saying " come here, hey" over and over. until about 4:30am. That's when I decided to get up and get out. I went down to the old chapel now a TV room. and stayed there til sun up.
Saturday: 1st we had breakfast at a buffet joint called "Joey's". Then we went to Laurier House. The stately home of 2 former Canadian PM's. Sir Wilfred Laurier and W.L MacKenzie King. There were some deaths in the home and when we were in a room downstairs I got this rush of heat from my throat down to my navel. it was a very odd sensation and definitely unnatural.
That night I slept in the TV room. I figured there was no point in even trying to sleep in my cell.
Sunday:
Went to a small town called Manotick and you can read all about that in the next post!!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Mom's cancer update
Thankfully the cancer has not spread to my mom's brain or liver.
She is in stage 3 and starts chemo this Friday.
I feel hopeful!
She is in stage 3 and starts chemo this Friday.
I feel hopeful!
Money Tips you can start using today
I think its time we as a collective society start to do things more simply. You know, the way things were done in the past. I think it will help our wallets and the environment. We have gotten so used to "luxuries" that we don't realize the harm its doing.
here are some tips:
Vegetables and Fruit:
If we grew our own, we would have a ready supply of food and if you maintain the plants/trees, you would have a renewable source of food.
But make sure to use organic pesticides.
Milk/pop:
I remember when I was young there was a pop company that would deliver 12 bottles in a case. When you were done you put all the glass bottles back in, they'd pick it up and bring you a new case. The price was good and the bottles were re-used. Although I wasn't around for the milk delivery days, I am sure it was the same principal.
Water:
For God's sake, the Earth only has so much.
Drink from a tap and avoid millions ob bottles ending up in landfills. If you hate tap water (and I do) here is a tip. Boil the water first, after it cools add some fresh lemon juice to your glass.
IF like me you like taking a bath, use the leftover water for other things. It takes up time but at least you are saving water. example: I have a bath then use a container to water all the plants in my house and if enough is left and still warm, i give my dogs a bath.
Create a rain barrel to water the vegetable and fruit trees you planted out back.
And for people who live in apartment building. Do some research and you will find there are vegetables you can grow in smaller spaces.
Use coupons:
I don't know why more people don't take advantage of coupons, competitor price matching etc. oh wait, yes I do..pride!! I used to be like that. I wouldn't use a coupon because I was worried the cashier would think I was poor. Now my thinking has changed..the more money I save, the more that can be spent on other things.
Credit:
Credit is important, but it can get you into alot of trouble.
My credit rules are:
(1)If you get one, make sure it is one with an incentive program that makes sense for you. Personal example: I don't like to fly, so getting one where you collect airmiles makes no sense for me. However, I go to the movies often and I have a Scene Scotiabank Visa. That way when I do use the card, I get points to redeem for free nights out at the movies.
(2) only buy what you have the cash to back up. The other day I ordered Go Smile products. I used my Visa to order, but I have a "credit card payment envelope" that I put the money for the product into already. So when it arrives in the mail I can go pay my card.
(3) Always, repeat ALWAYS pay your balance in full. If you really can't afford to do that then look over your finances and create a budget because you are doing something wrong. But if you really can't pay the whole thing then pay more then the minimum requirement. And do not use your card until you get back to $0.
Clothing:
Learn to sew:
you can save money if you learn to sew rips, hemlines etc.
If you are planning to lose weight that's great!! But don't go out and buy clothing in smaller sizes to "motivate" you. I did this before and it made no sense to me. I spent money to purchase something that looked so good but that I couldn't wear.
And you may never be the size you are hoping to be. If you really dedicated then save money to buy the clothes WHEN you lose the weight.
Same with shoes. Don't buy the wrong size because the shoes are hot. I have been guilty of this as well. Shoes should be comfortable. And it doesn't feel good when your feet are crammed into too small shoes or you have to wear 3 pairs of socks to fit into shoes that are too big..
These are some small tips that I have used to turn my spending habits around. Try em out and see what works for you.
here are some tips:
Vegetables and Fruit:
If we grew our own, we would have a ready supply of food and if you maintain the plants/trees, you would have a renewable source of food.
But make sure to use organic pesticides.
Milk/pop:
I remember when I was young there was a pop company that would deliver 12 bottles in a case. When you were done you put all the glass bottles back in, they'd pick it up and bring you a new case. The price was good and the bottles were re-used. Although I wasn't around for the milk delivery days, I am sure it was the same principal.
Water:
For God's sake, the Earth only has so much.
Drink from a tap and avoid millions ob bottles ending up in landfills. If you hate tap water (and I do) here is a tip. Boil the water first, after it cools add some fresh lemon juice to your glass.
IF like me you like taking a bath, use the leftover water for other things. It takes up time but at least you are saving water. example: I have a bath then use a container to water all the plants in my house and if enough is left and still warm, i give my dogs a bath.
Create a rain barrel to water the vegetable and fruit trees you planted out back.
And for people who live in apartment building. Do some research and you will find there are vegetables you can grow in smaller spaces.
Use coupons:
I don't know why more people don't take advantage of coupons, competitor price matching etc. oh wait, yes I do..pride!! I used to be like that. I wouldn't use a coupon because I was worried the cashier would think I was poor. Now my thinking has changed..the more money I save, the more that can be spent on other things.
Credit:
Credit is important, but it can get you into alot of trouble.
My credit rules are:
(1)If you get one, make sure it is one with an incentive program that makes sense for you. Personal example: I don't like to fly, so getting one where you collect airmiles makes no sense for me. However, I go to the movies often and I have a Scene Scotiabank Visa. That way when I do use the card, I get points to redeem for free nights out at the movies.
(2) only buy what you have the cash to back up. The other day I ordered Go Smile products. I used my Visa to order, but I have a "credit card payment envelope" that I put the money for the product into already. So when it arrives in the mail I can go pay my card.
(3) Always, repeat ALWAYS pay your balance in full. If you really can't afford to do that then look over your finances and create a budget because you are doing something wrong. But if you really can't pay the whole thing then pay more then the minimum requirement. And do not use your card until you get back to $0.
Clothing:
Learn to sew:
you can save money if you learn to sew rips, hemlines etc.
If you are planning to lose weight that's great!! But don't go out and buy clothing in smaller sizes to "motivate" you. I did this before and it made no sense to me. I spent money to purchase something that looked so good but that I couldn't wear.
And you may never be the size you are hoping to be. If you really dedicated then save money to buy the clothes WHEN you lose the weight.
Same with shoes. Don't buy the wrong size because the shoes are hot. I have been guilty of this as well. Shoes should be comfortable. And it doesn't feel good when your feet are crammed into too small shoes or you have to wear 3 pairs of socks to fit into shoes that are too big..
These are some small tips that I have used to turn my spending habits around. Try em out and see what works for you.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
car re-possessed pt 1 and 2
Part 1
so I am at work yesterday and my mom calls to tell em to take a cab home. That my dad won't be picking me up because the car got towed.
I get hom and everyone is stressed to the maximus...
I guess my parents were a little behind in their car payments (because my pops is a construction work and doesn't work in our Canadian winters, so money has been scarce)
My mom had made an arrangement with a lady at the company to make smaller payments.
She ok'd that but they came and took my dad's car..He was LIVID!!!
No one could sleep last night!!
Part 2
last night I prayed for a miracle..I said "God, if you are there, we need a miracle"
well we got one.
My mom called to find out what happened, they looked into it and realized they made a mistake. SO they are returning the car Thursday and they will pay the $600 towing fee and for the troubles they are giving my dad the month of May for free!!!
so I am at work yesterday and my mom calls to tell em to take a cab home. That my dad won't be picking me up because the car got towed.
I get hom and everyone is stressed to the maximus...
I guess my parents were a little behind in their car payments (because my pops is a construction work and doesn't work in our Canadian winters, so money has been scarce)
My mom had made an arrangement with a lady at the company to make smaller payments.
She ok'd that but they came and took my dad's car..He was LIVID!!!
No one could sleep last night!!
Part 2
last night I prayed for a miracle..I said "God, if you are there, we need a miracle"
well we got one.
My mom called to find out what happened, they looked into it and realized they made a mistake. SO they are returning the car Thursday and they will pay the $600 towing fee and for the troubles they are giving my dad the month of May for free!!!
Monday, April 6, 2009
I love/hate him
My fiance has a great job..
he makes $45,000 per year
has weekends and paid holidays
full benefits
allowances
4wks paid holiday
and all he does is complain about how boring it is
I am so pised about that!!!
these are tough economic times
He should be happy!!!!
If he lost his job I am sure he would be very depressed!!!
I am annoyed with him
he makes $45,000 per year
has weekends and paid holidays
full benefits
allowances
4wks paid holiday
and all he does is complain about how boring it is
I am so pised about that!!!
these are tough economic times
He should be happy!!!!
If he lost his job I am sure he would be very depressed!!!
I am annoyed with him
my MOM is stronger than your mom
Remember how in school as kids we said stuff like this/ My mom's prettier, my dad's stronger? well I think I may be right if I say my mom is super strong..
as I have mentioned before she has been diagnosed with breast cancer. But she got even more bad news the other day. She went to the hospital to get all the info about starting chemo but they can't yet because they think the cancer may have spread to both her liver and brain. So she needs some MRI testing first and then if it has spread to her brain, she will need surgery first.
I am falling apart but she is stronger then I thought she would be.
Frankly I do believe in miracles but I am still worried.
she seems to be doing quite well despite the bad news.
Women: if you feel a lump..GET TO THE DR. EARLY!!! My mother felt a lump a year ago and I hope she doesn't pay for the mistake of leaving it unchecked with her life..
as I have mentioned before she has been diagnosed with breast cancer. But she got even more bad news the other day. She went to the hospital to get all the info about starting chemo but they can't yet because they think the cancer may have spread to both her liver and brain. So she needs some MRI testing first and then if it has spread to her brain, she will need surgery first.
I am falling apart but she is stronger then I thought she would be.
Frankly I do believe in miracles but I am still worried.
she seems to be doing quite well despite the bad news.
Women: if you feel a lump..GET TO THE DR. EARLY!!! My mother felt a lump a year ago and I hope she doesn't pay for the mistake of leaving it unchecked with her life..
Thursday, April 2, 2009
TIPS for quick and efficient room cleaning
I am doing some spring cleaning. Its as good a day as any to get that done..since its "warm" enough to open the windows up for once. By the way by "warm" I mean 14C (or 57.2 F)
How do you clean bedrooms effectively and quickly?
1) make your bed first
2) take any objects from any dressers, desks etc and put on your bed. Include anything thats on the floor
3) Now polish and dust all the furniture
4) Put items back on, photo frames, jewllery boxes, etc
put Only essential items back on
5) whatever is left on the bed are the extras that need to be sorted.
6) Recycables (almost anything can be recycled), items to donate, items belonging to others that you need to return to people, libraries etc, stuff you are keeping that needs to be organzied better etc.
7) check bed, may need to shake the covers off
8) get things out of the house asap, if you don't, they risk re-piling up
9) vacuum last.
How do you clean bedrooms effectively and quickly?
1) make your bed first
2) take any objects from any dressers, desks etc and put on your bed. Include anything thats on the floor
3) Now polish and dust all the furniture
4) Put items back on, photo frames, jewllery boxes, etc
put Only essential items back on
5) whatever is left on the bed are the extras that need to be sorted.
6) Recycables (almost anything can be recycled), items to donate, items belonging to others that you need to return to people, libraries etc, stuff you are keeping that needs to be organzied better etc.
7) check bed, may need to shake the covers off
8) get things out of the house asap, if you don't, they risk re-piling up
9) vacuum last.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
What did I get myself into?
I am going to Ottawa in 19 days to spend a couple of nights in a haunted jail.
I a doing this as part of research on my ghost book. I was reading reviews from those hwo have stayed there and a lot of people have had scary things happen to them there.
Now I know what you are thinking..isn't that what I want? hey I like to report on this stuff...not actually experience it..
I have a feeling I won't be getting much sleep on that trip..
www.hauntedhamilton.ca
I a doing this as part of research on my ghost book. I was reading reviews from those hwo have stayed there and a lot of people have had scary things happen to them there.
Now I know what you are thinking..isn't that what I want? hey I like to report on this stuff...not actually experience it..
I have a feeling I won't be getting much sleep on that trip..
www.hauntedhamilton.ca
How 2 Spend a Sunday in Hamilton
3:20pm drive up the mountain via the Linc East and to the new Silvercity movie theatre on Rymal.
We used a 2 for 1 coupon from pizzapizza, so the admission was only 10.99 for me and my fiance (he paid of course..lol)
Then comes the most EXPENSIVE part of going to the movies..the snacks..
seriosuly the concession stands need to lower their prices. $22 for 2 pops, popcorn and Nibs..saw "KNOWING" starring Nicolas Cage.
I loved it! The effects were good and so was the story line.
I thought it blended religious ideas and science together nicely.
Went to Walmart to see if they had any seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (I want season 4), but they didn't. sigh. The guy who worked there was so nice and helpful..I should have got his name so I could tell the manager's that he's great! Yes I do that! Because in this day there are so many jerks out there. When you meet someone nice they need recognition so they remain that way. Next time I go I will find out.
After went to Mr Sub. Finally they have $5 footlongs (like Subway). And even better, my favourite, the pizza subs are on that list.
note: if like me you love pineapple, the only Mr. Sub that I know of is the one on Main street West. So I got my usual..pizza sub with jalapeno's, pineapple & mushrooms!! mmmm
We used a 2 for 1 coupon from pizzapizza, so the admission was only 10.99 for me and my fiance (he paid of course..lol)
Then comes the most EXPENSIVE part of going to the movies..the snacks..
seriosuly the concession stands need to lower their prices. $22 for 2 pops, popcorn and Nibs..saw "KNOWING" starring Nicolas Cage.
I loved it! The effects were good and so was the story line.
I thought it blended religious ideas and science together nicely.
Went to Walmart to see if they had any seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (I want season 4), but they didn't. sigh. The guy who worked there was so nice and helpful..I should have got his name so I could tell the manager's that he's great! Yes I do that! Because in this day there are so many jerks out there. When you meet someone nice they need recognition so they remain that way. Next time I go I will find out.
After went to Mr Sub. Finally they have $5 footlongs (like Subway). And even better, my favourite, the pizza subs are on that list.
note: if like me you love pineapple, the only Mr. Sub that I know of is the one on Main street West. So I got my usual..pizza sub with jalapeno's, pineapple & mushrooms!! mmmm
my mom has breast cancer
well its confirmed
my mom does have breast cancer..
She will hopefully be starting chemo next week.
Her oncologist really wanted her to start rediation but she had a rare form of skin cancer 20 years ago and had radiation for that. You can't have radiation twice.
She had to take a leave from her job, which is good so she can stay home and chill.
but I am worried, even though when she's around I pretend I am not.
I am hopeful because there have been major advances in cancer treatments but its still scary.
Every paycheck I get I will buy a carton of Ensure (or its Walmart brand equivalent) so when she starts and gets sick from the chemo, she will probably not want to eat. Those drinks will at least give her nutrients.
my mom does have breast cancer..
She will hopefully be starting chemo next week.
Her oncologist really wanted her to start rediation but she had a rare form of skin cancer 20 years ago and had radiation for that. You can't have radiation twice.
She had to take a leave from her job, which is good so she can stay home and chill.
but I am worried, even though when she's around I pretend I am not.
I am hopeful because there have been major advances in cancer treatments but its still scary.
Every paycheck I get I will buy a carton of Ensure (or its Walmart brand equivalent) so when she starts and gets sick from the chemo, she will probably not want to eat. Those drinks will at least give her nutrients.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Well finally the doctor I saw last week made more progress than the doctor's before.
I had a GIC today at 8am, because of my daily vomiting.
Basically I had to drink this awful stuff called “gas”
they gave me one small glass with this powder in it that looked like salt
and in the other hand some water.
You put the powder in your mouth first then water. Upon contact it fizzes up and you must swallow.
Well it fizzed up so much my cheeks were sticking out, luckily the technician grabbed the waste bin and I spit it all in. it was like eating 2 handfuls of salt and trying to swallow.
I did better on the 2nd attempt. I did it in small takes. It makes you feel like burping but I was told not too burp.
Then I lay on the Xray table all contorted. With my free hand they gave me a glass of chalky crap called “Barium” I believe. I was only allowed to drink it when the Dr. said. And at times while he was taking pictures, I had to hold my breath.
A very uncomfortable experience but because I always try to look for the good, it was neat to see on the screen my spine and stomach and intestines. Whenever I would swallow the Barium, you could see it on the screen going down by throat.
They gave me an injection, not even sure what it was for, but my arm is bruised and sore now. It looks something awful!
I am back at WAHC. It is a museum/art gallery that I started off volunteering in the artifact room. Then I got a paid position there: helping to create their website. The Executive Director whom I adored left to pursue a new career. Being upset, I left as well. Now I am back volunteering there once a week and hopefully the new ED will like meas much as the old one and hire me on again.
The building I work in is a designated Canadian heritage site and yes it is haunted! There have been reports of ghosts there since the 1800's. I myself experienced two separate unexplainable events. One was I walked into a room where the Child Labor exhibit is housed and it felt like someone was pushing me out. The other time I was in an office upstairs and heard what I thought was my co-worker call my name. I asked her what she wanted but when I turned around no one was there.
Anyways despite the creepy feelings I sometimes get there and the frequent headaches, I am glad to be back.
My man and I went to his doctor to talk about some problems that he is having with his new meds. Afterwards he took me out to dinner at this Mexican restaurant we both like. An old friend of mine is the manager there so she gave us a discount. What should have been over $40 she gave us for $18.
then we went to Winners (a department store here in Canada) and everything was 15%
all in all a good day!!!
I had a GIC today at 8am, because of my daily vomiting.
Basically I had to drink this awful stuff called “gas”
they gave me one small glass with this powder in it that looked like salt
and in the other hand some water.
You put the powder in your mouth first then water. Upon contact it fizzes up and you must swallow.
Well it fizzed up so much my cheeks were sticking out, luckily the technician grabbed the waste bin and I spit it all in. it was like eating 2 handfuls of salt and trying to swallow.
I did better on the 2nd attempt. I did it in small takes. It makes you feel like burping but I was told not too burp.
Then I lay on the Xray table all contorted. With my free hand they gave me a glass of chalky crap called “Barium” I believe. I was only allowed to drink it when the Dr. said. And at times while he was taking pictures, I had to hold my breath.
A very uncomfortable experience but because I always try to look for the good, it was neat to see on the screen my spine and stomach and intestines. Whenever I would swallow the Barium, you could see it on the screen going down by throat.
They gave me an injection, not even sure what it was for, but my arm is bruised and sore now. It looks something awful!
I am back at WAHC. It is a museum/art gallery that I started off volunteering in the artifact room. Then I got a paid position there: helping to create their website. The Executive Director whom I adored left to pursue a new career. Being upset, I left as well. Now I am back volunteering there once a week and hopefully the new ED will like meas much as the old one and hire me on again.
The building I work in is a designated Canadian heritage site and yes it is haunted! There have been reports of ghosts there since the 1800's. I myself experienced two separate unexplainable events. One was I walked into a room where the Child Labor exhibit is housed and it felt like someone was pushing me out. The other time I was in an office upstairs and heard what I thought was my co-worker call my name. I asked her what she wanted but when I turned around no one was there.
Anyways despite the creepy feelings I sometimes get there and the frequent headaches, I am glad to be back.
My man and I went to his doctor to talk about some problems that he is having with his new meds. Afterwards he took me out to dinner at this Mexican restaurant we both like. An old friend of mine is the manager there so she gave us a discount. What should have been over $40 she gave us for $18.
then we went to Winners (a department store here in Canada) and everything was 15%
all in all a good day!!!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
There is an energy in the air, an electric charge. Can you feel it?
My skin feels alive, its humming.
President Obama took his oath today
and started on his path.
When he first announced his candidacy I was scared.
Scared he would be voted in for the wrong reasons.
Scared, because the world hated America. Hated Bush.
For the record I didn't mind Bush. I thought he was misunderstood, juvenile, funny.
I think he just wasn't the man for that particular job.
I think Obama is!!
I was scared that no matter who took office, the world would hate the West anyways.
But, there is a renewed sense of hope. Something we as global citizens have not had for a long time.
I know I have been searching for it. Any time hope would rear its head something would come along to dunk it back under.
Everyday you see, feel, hear stories of people suffering, maybe the stories were your own.
The economy is not so good, globally that is.
This is not just a north American problem.
War, hatred, anger, these things have plagued mankind since the beginning of time.
Holy men have come and gone and always talked about peace.
Some of us adhere to that sort of lifestyle
some prefer to live the life of the madman. It after all is an easier route.
Its easy to be miserable and blame everyone for the suffering inflicted upon us and indeed everyone else.
What have I learned form Obama's presidency? No more excuses!
No more excuses for not living the lives we want to live.
No more excuses for the injustices in the world.
As he said in his inaugural speech
“pick yourselves up and dust yourselves off”
this is a new dawn.
This is the time
our time
your time
my time.
No more bullshit
if we want to live in a better world it is time to make that better world, a reality
thats what I got from today
a renewed sense of purpose
thank you Obama
for lighting my fire!
President Obama took his oath today
and started on his path.
When he first announced his candidacy I was scared.
Scared he would be voted in for the wrong reasons.
Scared, because the world hated America. Hated Bush.
For the record I didn't mind Bush. I thought he was misunderstood, juvenile, funny.
I think he just wasn't the man for that particular job.
I think Obama is!!
I was scared that no matter who took office, the world would hate the West anyways.
But, there is a renewed sense of hope. Something we as global citizens have not had for a long time.
I know I have been searching for it. Any time hope would rear its head something would come along to dunk it back under.
Everyday you see, feel, hear stories of people suffering, maybe the stories were your own.
The economy is not so good, globally that is.
This is not just a north American problem.
War, hatred, anger, these things have plagued mankind since the beginning of time.
Holy men have come and gone and always talked about peace.
Some of us adhere to that sort of lifestyle
some prefer to live the life of the madman. It after all is an easier route.
Its easy to be miserable and blame everyone for the suffering inflicted upon us and indeed everyone else.
What have I learned form Obama's presidency? No more excuses!
No more excuses for not living the lives we want to live.
No more excuses for the injustices in the world.
As he said in his inaugural speech
“pick yourselves up and dust yourselves off”
this is a new dawn.
This is the time
our time
your time
my time.
No more bullshit
if we want to live in a better world it is time to make that better world, a reality
thats what I got from today
a renewed sense of purpose
thank you Obama
for lighting my fire!
MIRACLES do happen
Miracles have been happening all around
won't you open your eyes and see them?
Last week my father lost his wallet. The day after our furnace
broke down.
I didn't even write about it, I was so upset.
I felt like evrything was going wrong.
Yesterday my mom saw an envelope sticking out of our mailbox.
Written in black marker, on the front it said
“Nelo (spelled incorrect but this is my father's name)
Jesus loves you, cares for you “
his wallet was inside
someone must have found it on a snowbank and brought it to our home.
Everything was still inside as my father left it.
We don't know who found it. They never even knocked on the door
maybe it was an angel.
All I know is hope is alive today
hope that a better world is possible
and with President elect Obama's inauguration tomorrow
that feeling will only be renewed in me
won't you open your eyes and see them?
Last week my father lost his wallet. The day after our furnace
broke down.
I didn't even write about it, I was so upset.
I felt like evrything was going wrong.
Yesterday my mom saw an envelope sticking out of our mailbox.
Written in black marker, on the front it said
“Nelo (spelled incorrect but this is my father's name)
Jesus loves you, cares for you “
his wallet was inside
someone must have found it on a snowbank and brought it to our home.
Everything was still inside as my father left it.
We don't know who found it. They never even knocked on the door
maybe it was an angel.
All I know is hope is alive today
hope that a better world is possible
and with President elect Obama's inauguration tomorrow
that feeling will only be renewed in me
Sunday, January 18, 2009
did I tell you that I am trying to be positive? I really am...really.
I am in a pretty bad freakin mood. I have been trying to stay positive and I KNOW that whatever I focus on will expand. So therefore if I am focusing on negative more negative will happen, but I just need to vent right now.
My boyfriend and I barely saw each other this week because he was on afternoon shift. He was complaining before that we are not intimate enough and he had a valid point. What he failed to understand is I like many women I a sure, find it hard to be intimate when I am resentful of my partner. I have been feeling less then hopeful about our sustainability as a couple and it was affecting how I felt about him.
I decided as part of my new years resolution to be more affectionate and intimate as I know this is very important to men and to him in particular.
So yesterday when he picked me up to take me to work, I was caressing his face and telling him how I want us to be more intimate etc. he was pleasantly surprised and was really happy. I haven't seen a smile on his face that big in a long time. After work we went to my house to celebrate my mom's birthday.
We ended up playing that board game “Trouble” with my brother and his girlfriend. I was winning and my man tapped me on the head..like “good girl”. Well I got pissed. There are certain things that I detest and that is one of them. Sure maybe I overreacted but I feel like if I don't like something that is reason enough not too like it. Instead he tries to convince me how I am wrong.
So I got even more mad because now he is minimizing my feelings. We got angry at each other but we eventually made up and he promised not to do it again.
Today after he work he picked me up and we went to his house to indulge. The plan was to give each other massages. Normally we watch the hockey game but decided that this was more important, a miracle in itself. I was looking for a lighter and checked the cookie tin on top of his fridge.
In it I found proline tickets (a lottery here in Ontario where you bet on sport teams). Before I skip ahead I need to give some back ground info here.
He had some problems with gambling at the casino, playing blackjack. He is very good but if he lost he'd keep playing to try and win it back. It got real bad a year ago when he lost $2,000 in 3 days. He came clean about it and I said I couldn't be in the relationship if he continued to go to the casino.
So we went together to the casino and he banned himself. They took his picture and he knows if he re-enters he can be charged with trespassing. Last wknd I took him out to dinner to celebrate his 1 year anniversary of not going. He plays proline and the deal we had was that he can only play $10 a week. He has kept his promise until tonight.
When I saw the tickets he had played $30
NOW I realize to some people this may be nothing. After all its better than him going to the casino-yes! It's better than him going to strip clubs, bars, drinking (the only thing he drinks is water)-yes.
But its the fact that he made an agreement and he broke it and his excuse (cause there is always an excuse) was that there were a lot of college basketball games this wknd he wanted to bet on.
So I was mad and of course the intimacy never happened. And he has the nerve, the NERVE to say that I ruined it..fuk him. And then he broke another deal with me. We made an agreement that when I am there watching hockey he can't get mad like he usually does, by yelling at the TV. Well maybe it was because of the proline thing but he was swearing at the TV. OK I understand in a way because the Montreal Canadiens had a 4-2 lead over the Ottawa Senators and Ottawa came back. But he threw his remote and we talked about that before.
So now I am freaking confused, I love him with my whole heart or do I? I mean love is about acceptance but I can't accept him patting me on the head, playing proline and yelling at the TV, I can't do it.
So what do I do then? Do I end it? Do I keep a naïve hope alive that he will change/ I don't know, I am so damned confused. People just don't have integrity anymore (see my next post). I am one of the few left who do. So now I don't know where we stand he dropped me off I didn't talk the whole way which I hope worried him, because I am usually loud and aggressive. We were going to go to the movies tomorrow but frankly I don't want to see him. Yet, if he doesn't call I am going to be sad. See how confusing this is?lol.
Oh and in a few weeks we are going to Montreal to watch the Habs play omg..can you imagine how much of an ape he is going to be?
By the way the Habs ended up winning the game in a shootout tonight, so they still got their 2 points and he got mad for nothing
idiot!!!
My boyfriend and I barely saw each other this week because he was on afternoon shift. He was complaining before that we are not intimate enough and he had a valid point. What he failed to understand is I like many women I a sure, find it hard to be intimate when I am resentful of my partner. I have been feeling less then hopeful about our sustainability as a couple and it was affecting how I felt about him.
I decided as part of my new years resolution to be more affectionate and intimate as I know this is very important to men and to him in particular.
So yesterday when he picked me up to take me to work, I was caressing his face and telling him how I want us to be more intimate etc. he was pleasantly surprised and was really happy. I haven't seen a smile on his face that big in a long time. After work we went to my house to celebrate my mom's birthday.
We ended up playing that board game “Trouble” with my brother and his girlfriend. I was winning and my man tapped me on the head..like “good girl”. Well I got pissed. There are certain things that I detest and that is one of them. Sure maybe I overreacted but I feel like if I don't like something that is reason enough not too like it. Instead he tries to convince me how I am wrong.
So I got even more mad because now he is minimizing my feelings. We got angry at each other but we eventually made up and he promised not to do it again.
Today after he work he picked me up and we went to his house to indulge. The plan was to give each other massages. Normally we watch the hockey game but decided that this was more important, a miracle in itself. I was looking for a lighter and checked the cookie tin on top of his fridge.
In it I found proline tickets (a lottery here in Ontario where you bet on sport teams). Before I skip ahead I need to give some back ground info here.
He had some problems with gambling at the casino, playing blackjack. He is very good but if he lost he'd keep playing to try and win it back. It got real bad a year ago when he lost $2,000 in 3 days. He came clean about it and I said I couldn't be in the relationship if he continued to go to the casino.
So we went together to the casino and he banned himself. They took his picture and he knows if he re-enters he can be charged with trespassing. Last wknd I took him out to dinner to celebrate his 1 year anniversary of not going. He plays proline and the deal we had was that he can only play $10 a week. He has kept his promise until tonight.
When I saw the tickets he had played $30
NOW I realize to some people this may be nothing. After all its better than him going to the casino-yes! It's better than him going to strip clubs, bars, drinking (the only thing he drinks is water)-yes.
But its the fact that he made an agreement and he broke it and his excuse (cause there is always an excuse) was that there were a lot of college basketball games this wknd he wanted to bet on.
So I was mad and of course the intimacy never happened. And he has the nerve, the NERVE to say that I ruined it..fuk him. And then he broke another deal with me. We made an agreement that when I am there watching hockey he can't get mad like he usually does, by yelling at the TV. Well maybe it was because of the proline thing but he was swearing at the TV. OK I understand in a way because the Montreal Canadiens had a 4-2 lead over the Ottawa Senators and Ottawa came back. But he threw his remote and we talked about that before.
So now I am freaking confused, I love him with my whole heart or do I? I mean love is about acceptance but I can't accept him patting me on the head, playing proline and yelling at the TV, I can't do it.
So what do I do then? Do I end it? Do I keep a naïve hope alive that he will change/ I don't know, I am so damned confused. People just don't have integrity anymore (see my next post). I am one of the few left who do. So now I don't know where we stand he dropped me off I didn't talk the whole way which I hope worried him, because I am usually loud and aggressive. We were going to go to the movies tomorrow but frankly I don't want to see him. Yet, if he doesn't call I am going to be sad. See how confusing this is?lol.
Oh and in a few weeks we are going to Montreal to watch the Habs play omg..can you imagine how much of an ape he is going to be?
By the way the Habs ended up winning the game in a shootout tonight, so they still got their 2 points and he got mad for nothing
idiot!!!
integrity...do u got it?
Integrity
so how many times this week did people prove to me that integrity is dead?
Let's see first there is my so called bf and Maid of Honor for my upcoming wedding
(if it happens) who is always making than breaking plans with me. This week it was I am going to stop by after I drop my son at daycare. So I get up earlier than I had too I sent her an email and her response was she probably couldn't make it because she was on call at work. Shit happens, true! But last year this scenario happened probably once a week x 52 weeks in a year= you get the picture.
But the sad fact is she is my closest friend right now as most of my other friends have moved far away or also have kids and husband and mortgages and don't have the time for me.
My best option is probably to tell her straight that I am fed up but then that could cause problems. I have told her before that I always feel left behind and she always apologizes and says she won't do it again but lo and behold it always happens. Integrity
I go to the doctor because I have been throwing up daily for a few years (see a previous post) and she said someone will call me asap to get me an appt with a specialist..well 5 days came and went so I guess I will have to call and get on their asses about it. Integrity
you read the other post about my fiancé and his proline issues, integrity!!
people be part of the solution, in the olden days people gave their word and they meant it. Frig a handshake stood up as a legally binding contract. You don't get that anymore. People are too fuckin self absorbed. So when you tell someone you are going to do something do it! Otherwise don't even say it.
The other day at work I offered to do something and after I thought “man, why did I volunteer that?” but you know what? Too bad, I made a commitment and I kept it. That's INTEGRITY!!1
so how many times this week did people prove to me that integrity is dead?
Let's see first there is my so called bf and Maid of Honor for my upcoming wedding
(if it happens) who is always making than breaking plans with me. This week it was I am going to stop by after I drop my son at daycare. So I get up earlier than I had too I sent her an email and her response was she probably couldn't make it because she was on call at work. Shit happens, true! But last year this scenario happened probably once a week x 52 weeks in a year= you get the picture.
But the sad fact is she is my closest friend right now as most of my other friends have moved far away or also have kids and husband and mortgages and don't have the time for me.
My best option is probably to tell her straight that I am fed up but then that could cause problems. I have told her before that I always feel left behind and she always apologizes and says she won't do it again but lo and behold it always happens. Integrity
I go to the doctor because I have been throwing up daily for a few years (see a previous post) and she said someone will call me asap to get me an appt with a specialist..well 5 days came and went so I guess I will have to call and get on their asses about it. Integrity
you read the other post about my fiancé and his proline issues, integrity!!
people be part of the solution, in the olden days people gave their word and they meant it. Frig a handshake stood up as a legally binding contract. You don't get that anymore. People are too fuckin self absorbed. So when you tell someone you are going to do something do it! Otherwise don't even say it.
The other day at work I offered to do something and after I thought “man, why did I volunteer that?” but you know what? Too bad, I made a commitment and I kept it. That's INTEGRITY!!1
Friday, January 16, 2009
No heat on a cold day part deux
What am I thankful for today?
That I am not in Toronto!!! The downtown area, my old stompin ground had a blackout! So no one has heat. AT least our problem yesterday was a small piece malfunction and got fixed rather quickly. Who knows how long these people won't have power.
Oh and speaking of cold, a plane made an emergency landing in the frigid waters of the Hudson in NYC. Imagine being in the cold water when its this cold out?
That I am not in Toronto!!! The downtown area, my old stompin ground had a blackout! So no one has heat. AT least our problem yesterday was a small piece malfunction and got fixed rather quickly. Who knows how long these people won't have power.
Oh and speaking of cold, a plane made an emergency landing in the frigid waters of the Hudson in NYC. Imagine being in the cold water when its this cold out?
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Bloodtest
I have been throwing up almost daily for 2 years. Even though I was bringing it up at the doctor's, it always seemed to get pushed aside to deal with my other health problems. This time I am finally getting looked at. I have to have a lot of bloodwork done.I hate getting blood drawn. Its the stupid tourniquet. It makes me light headed. But it needs to be done. And I will have to have a gastro-intestinal coloscopy...joy
Thank God for heat and for a lesser price
Update:
I was so stressed.
But I took my mind off it, kept distracted.
The repair man fixed the furnace..and it only cost $200.
Now thats still a lot for us right now
but...the first place quoted us $600>.so this is much better
I am really thankful!And appreciative of heat.It just goes to show you.. had I focused on my misery, the day would have probably got worse and worse. what we focus on expands.
I was so stressed.
But I took my mind off it, kept distracted.
The repair man fixed the furnace..and it only cost $200.
Now thats still a lot for us right now
but...the first place quoted us $600>.so this is much better
I am really thankful!And appreciative of heat.It just goes to show you.. had I focused on my misery, the day would have probably got worse and worse. what we focus on expands.
A COLD DAY WITH NO HEAT
As I was writing this and feeling sorry for myself..down the street a truck hit a car, no one was hurt but it made me stop and be thankful I am not in that situation!
I am trying, really trying to remain positive in a negative world.
Bad things happen to all of us. For an example because of the looming recession, My hours have been cut from approx 20 hours per week to 9 hours per week.
I opened a Canada Savings Bond so money is deducted from every paycheck. Which now that the my hours have been cut, mean less money for me.
The good thing is I live at home and have minimal bills. The bad thing is my father is a seasonal worker, so they do not work when its cold and snowing. And my mom's hours have been cut as well.
So of course as luck would have it, something happened to our furnace today and its not working. So it is very cold inside the house. And why wouldn't it be? the temp today is -20C (-4F)with the windchill. Tonight its going to drop to -30C.(-22F).
I am thankful we are not living in Winnipeg Manitoba where tonight it will be -43C
(-45F).
If the people come to fix it, it could cost hundreds of dollars which we don't have.
I am trying to keep busy as to not focus on our predicament. It is not easy. I am trying to clean my room, I am writing on here. I am going to go through any old receipts, papers etc and recycle stuff. I would like to get up into my attic and clean stuff up there but its way too cold. I am going to get on my knees and pray to God to help us out. I know we all have to get into the valley eventually, right now its an uphill battle and life is stressful.
It won't be like that forever!!!
Monday, January 12, 2009
I can't let it go..
I still CRY ..I don't know how to let this go
Friday, November 2, 2007
I am bitter...too much animal cruelty
For the last couple of nights a sweet little stray cat has been coming to my house to eat. He started tearing open our garbage bags, so I bought him cat food. He kept coming around and staying on our porch so I built him a little "house" basically a box, under a chair with an old sweater inside. At first he would just leave in the day and come back at night. But this morning I woke up and he was asleep in the box. I wanted to bring him in so badly but my parents said I couldn't because he may be sick and then pass whatever germs he has on to our two precious dogs. So after praying to God for some guidance, I called the Animal Control to have him picked up. I spent the day with him on my lap as he purred while I rubbed his little head. Now I feel as though I doomed him to death. I guess at the shelter he will be held for a bit then euthanized..I thought I was doing the right thing, I was concerned about him getting hit by a car, or freezing to death (as winter is approaching). And I felt so guilty seeing his sweet little face as he would peer in the window at me..and probably wondering why I would not let him in. But now I feel I might as well just have killed him myself.
why do people insist on having animals if they are not going to take care of them? Who do we as humans, think we are that we can bring a living creature into our home and not take care of it? Someone somewhere had this beautiful little cat..(who by the way made me chuckle when I noticed he was picking food out of the dish and licking it off his paw...)and let it go outside. People might say that "well he wants to go outside, keeping him confined is cruel"..To which I ask why does he want to go outside? Because he/she is not fixed...so as Bob Barker (Price Is Right) used to close his show by saying "Help keep the pet population under control, have your pet spayed or neutered"..He was..IS right!!! It IS a form of cruelty..and what happens is good people like me, who care about animals have to spend hours crying when I only tried to do the right thing because some other jerk let their cat out when they should have been keeping it inside!!! I am really heart sick over this..I have been rescuing animals all my life. I feel like not enough people care to help them out.
Friday, November 2, 2007
I am bitter...too much animal cruelty
For the last couple of nights a sweet little stray cat has been coming to my house to eat. He started tearing open our garbage bags, so I bought him cat food. He kept coming around and staying on our porch so I built him a little "house" basically a box, under a chair with an old sweater inside. At first he would just leave in the day and come back at night. But this morning I woke up and he was asleep in the box. I wanted to bring him in so badly but my parents said I couldn't because he may be sick and then pass whatever germs he has on to our two precious dogs. So after praying to God for some guidance, I called the Animal Control to have him picked up. I spent the day with him on my lap as he purred while I rubbed his little head. Now I feel as though I doomed him to death. I guess at the shelter he will be held for a bit then euthanized..I thought I was doing the right thing, I was concerned about him getting hit by a car, or freezing to death (as winter is approaching). And I felt so guilty seeing his sweet little face as he would peer in the window at me..and probably wondering why I would not let him in. But now I feel I might as well just have killed him myself.
why do people insist on having animals if they are not going to take care of them? Who do we as humans, think we are that we can bring a living creature into our home and not take care of it? Someone somewhere had this beautiful little cat..(who by the way made me chuckle when I noticed he was picking food out of the dish and licking it off his paw...)and let it go outside. People might say that "well he wants to go outside, keeping him confined is cruel"..To which I ask why does he want to go outside? Because he/she is not fixed...so as Bob Barker (Price Is Right) used to close his show by saying "Help keep the pet population under control, have your pet spayed or neutered"..He was..IS right!!! It IS a form of cruelty..and what happens is good people like me, who care about animals have to spend hours crying when I only tried to do the right thing because some other jerk let their cat out when they should have been keeping it inside!!! I am really heart sick over this..I have been rescuing animals all my life. I feel like not enough people care to help them out.
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