I need to vent

I am trying to be as positive a human being as I can and I have been doing a pretty good job of it. But today is one of those days when I just need to vent. Need to get it all out of my system!!

my and my darling fiance (rolls eyes) haven't spoke in 4 days. On Saturday we were on our way to Niagara Falls and on the highway a car honked at him probably because he has a tendency to go into other people's lanes. Fine, whatever, I didn't say anything. And then he put the SUV on auto drive which I HATE!!! There is too much room for error when you are being lazy about driving. So I said that this was the last time I wanted to go to Niagara Falls for awhile. Of course he asked why (and that's the point of baiting him with that comment) I told him he makes me nervous when he drives on the highway. well as suspected he got all mad and started swearing and getting loud, and exited and saying that I ruin everything. So whatever I went home. normally I try to work it out but if he takes things like that then fuck him. I am sure if it was me he wouldn't hesitate one second to criticise my driving. After all, men are better drivers than women right?

ok so we haven't talked since then. He has to return a movie i lent him so he may pass by today with it.. we shall see. I love him dearly but I am getting sick of his tyraids. is he so fragile that i can't say anything to him?

now i live at home. with my parents, brother, 2 dogs, 2 birds and 1 cat. And I am so different from everyone in my house and that's causing rifts. For example, I am a neat freak, they aren't. I don't smoke, they do (except the pets, lol)

the upstairs bathroom, my bathroom needs to have the tub fixed. So I have been having bath time downstairs. The bathroom is so messy. It drives me insane.
Lately my mom has been having real attitude with me. just snappy. I understand that she is going through cancer and is maybe not having the best time right now. However, I do notice she is pretty nice to everyone else. That's ok, I know she never really loved me. Her first born died you see and I was born after. I don't think she ever really got over that. And as a result probably never really wanted to get close to me. Plus we have butted heads a lot over the years. And I know some people think your mother has to love you but I don't believe that either. Mothers and children are individuals. Not everyone can like everyone. but can she at least be civil towards me when I am around???

As i was having a bath i was imagining buying an SUV and packing it with some essentials and my dog. And just living in my car. I can get a gym membership and that's where I can bathe. When I go to work I will get someone to dog sit. I can communicate with my cell phone. And rent a PO Box for mail.

It's fun to think about!!!

Now off to work soon, another place I really don't wanna be today.

Hera's hoping for a better tomorrow!